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Who knows TV better than us? As America's largest online DISH Network dealer, we've got the inside dirt on the channels, shows, and events that keep you tuned in.
 Careful, 007: Bond-style spoilers ahead
Here’s one to watch for on your local DISH Network movie channel: The newest installment in the James Bond canon, Quantum of Solace.
Some Bond fans were prepared to hate the film on sight merely based on the lit-major-lovin’ title (it’s taken from an Ian Fleming short story about Bond, the plot of which incidentally, has absolutely nothing to do with the movie as is currently blasting into a surround-sound theater near you.) But the phrase is meant to refer to a “measure of comfort”, which Bond is chasing after in the wake of the death of his girlfriend at the conclusion of Casino Royale.
Oh, yeah—you’re going to have to watch that one to get this one. It’s a direct sequel, and several characters from the first movie with Daniel Craig as Bond pop up again.
The politics are messy and there’ s a lot of ADD-inspiring quick cuts, but there’s a subtlety to this film which was missing in its predecessor. Less violence, too; the worst of the action is hinted at rather than shown, to good effect.
Things to watch for during Quantum of Solace:
-After a long, hard day of strangling people, dodging bullets, shoving citizens, and running at full speed, Bond enjoys a nice cardigan. Yes, Bond. In a sweater.
-In this movie, Bond manages to destroy just about a sample of every single mode of transportation except for Rollerblades and a lunar lander.
-And apparently, he can’t have a fight without breaking things. Cathedrals, plate glass windows, telephones, hotel rooms: If Bond’s around, he’ll find a way to shatter it.
-Maybe it’s because I’ve aged out of jealousy, but the reboot of this series has just about eliminated the ability of Bond girls to intimidate me. Oh, it’s not that any of them fall into the “She’s a MAN, baby!” category, but when they’re trotted out before the viewing public in necklaces which look as if they were stolen from the chain aisle of Home Depot and spray painted gold, I tend not to feel upstaged in front of my date.
Just as Craig’s rugged appearance and gritty expressionism ups Bond’s believability, so too does the recent trend of female leads who aren’t over the top
SUPERAMAZINGUNATTAINABLYHOT. And that allows us to connect with the film all the more.
Irony is one thing; pulling off irony in the middle of a sitcom set in the future and yet taking place in the present is quite another.
During last season’s run of CBS’s How I Met Your Mother (DISH 243, 8:30 Mondays) viewers discovered that one of the characters was keeping a terrible secret which took the entire episode to unravel: Was she abandoned by a former husband? Was she a former porn star?
No… worse, according to the show. She was a Canadian one-hit wonder pop star in the 1980’s. And that hit was entitled “Let’s Go to the Mall!”
What followed was the best skewering of Regan-era music and videos I have ever seen. It leaves VH1’s I Love the ‘80’s in the dust. The faux video, complete with tiny label in the lower left hand corner, purportedly stars “Robin Sparkles”, and features crimped hair, a Madonna-style raggedy hairtie, references to former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, and, yes… and a robot.
The video became a viral hit with the children of the 80’s, so much so that the show brought back another video for this season, this time skewering the “artsy” music videos of the era. “Sandcastles in the Sand” featured toggles between full color images and sepia-toned images of a beach scene. The era hair is fully in place, along with a denim jacket, strings and strings of long beaded necklaces, and a Hard Rock Café tee shirt. And yes… the robot.
It’s beautiful.
Viewing the video led to a major plot twist in which the former Robin Sparkles and the current Barney Stinson hooking up (how one could be inspired to lust by such a thing, I don't know), but it's another watershed moment in this innovative sitcom.
So no matter how wowed you may be by the music video that was released last week, hold tight to that feeling as long as you can. In ten years, it’ll be irony gold.
All right. I’m old.
I’ve not just failed to never hear of the musical guest on Saturday Night Live, I’ve never heard of the host. Anna Faris, who? She’s a what?
This was why the good Lord made Google: OH! She was Erica on Friends, the clueless, knocked-up teenage mother who made adoptive out of Chandler and Monica. And now she’s in some sort of Hefner-focused movie. Okay. I’m on board now. Whew. But still… I didn’t recognize someone who’s been tapped as a rising popular culture personality by name, and that meant something.
Saturday Night Live (DISH 241, Saturdays, 11:30 PM), in my humble opinion, has never recaptured the touchstone status of its second glory era, driven by Dana Carvey, Mike Meyers, and Phil Hartman. This was the era of G.E. Smith and must-viewing; since then, rumors have circulated that it barely survived the WGA strike. Some say it’s largely driven by past grandeur and the occasional watercooler political commentary.
Or maybe I’m just old.
Past episodes were notable for the musical guests as for the hosts themselves; the occasional supernovas, such as Dolly Parton and Sting, did double duty. Once, SNL enshrined itself by putting one of its own sketch stars, The Blues Brothers, in the artist slot.
But largely the modern story of pop music can be told merely by looking at the list of musical guests: ABBA, Gordon Lightfoot, Meat Loaf, the Grateful Dead, David Bowie, Kenny Loggins, Whitney Houston, Dave Matthews Band, En Vogue, No Doubt, 50 Cent, Justin Timberlake, Coldlay. Some guests were at the top of their careers during their appearances and were never heard from again (Vanilla Ice, hi!); others, such as Paul Simon, demonstrated impressive staying power by appearing multiple times across decades.
I'm sitting here in front of the Travel Channel (DISH Network Channel 215) trying to figure out if the thing is outstanding or depressing.
Outstanding because it's somehow managed to glue my in front of the television set in spite of a massive to-do list. Depressing because at the moment, it's featuring outrageously expensive hotel suites in Las Vegas which go for perhaps fifteen grand a night. Amenities include television sets which rise up out of the floor, 24 caret gold picture frames, VIP bowling lanes, and a rotating couch which ensures guests don't actually have to work to enjoy the view.
This is the same channel which offered me and my husband the only non apocalyptic entertainment in the world during the market meltdown. While the rest of the world focused endlessly on the bottoming Dow Jones, we sank into an hour long special considering the best places in America to go for ice cream. Included: The home of the first ice cream cone, as well as a restaurant which serves gold leaf with its sundaes. It was comfort food at its absolute finest, and we didn't put away a calorie or spend a single dime.
It's hard to know whether the channel is a twenty four hour resort ad or a vacation in your living room; visceral reactions range from mild amusement to exasperation to raging envy to "Can we leave for there yesterday?'
Shows range from documentaries on Vegas to studies of food in Paris to documentaries on Vegas to discussions of "America's Sexiest Beaches" to documentaries on Vegas. The channel also dips into tropical getaways, the World Poker Tour (don't ask me) and the occasional anthropological special or paranormal tour. It makes for a good mini vacation, if an occasionally frustrating one-- oh, why can't we afford the ten thousand dollar one night stand atop the Strip? You will, however, avoid any and all airport security lines.
Things are cooking over on NBC's forums for its sixth season of The Biggest Loser (DISH 241, Tuesdays, 8 PM EST)-- pages are piling up, and it's all because of some little-seen drama inside the weight loss campus. The program was recently stretched to two hours, which means that rather than workouts and challenges, viewers are subjected to more and more in-fighting and strategy.
Without going into the gory details, suffice to say that the game has now switched from teams to singles, with every man and woman for him and her self. That didn't mean much to the contestants still under the wing of trainer Bob Harper; led by Blue Team member Vicki, the remaining members of the team vowed revenge on the recently ousted Phil, whose crimes against humanity are as follows:
1) Sneaked a peanut butter cup or two during a temptation challenge in an attempt to thwart Vicki's will when she stated that she wished to avoid splitting up teams
2) Attempted to persuade Blue Team members to vote for one of their own instead of his wife
3) Said, "Wha---? Uh, sorry?" when the Blue Team verbally accosted him during dinner with his team for Action #2
Viewers who were not privy for Actions 1 through 3, and even those who were, came away from Tuesday's broadcast baffled by the actions of the Blue Team, which included:
1) Refusing to applaud for Phil's weight loss when he reappeared for a shot to re-enter the game-- even though he'd lost the most, percentage-wise, of all the booted contestants
2) Announcing that Phil "did not deserve" to rejoin his team
3) Dancing and cheering when it was discovered that Phil had been eliminated
The result was a throwdown in the middle of the kitchen as gobsmacked former contestants, disappointed at what the game had become, reeled at the new nastiness. Maybe Phil could have manged the situation better than hissing "You are so mean!" at Vicki in the middle of it all; maybe not. Maybe NBC will think twice before leveraging the drama so much; maybe not.
The important thing is, almost nobody's thinking about weight loss in the middle of The Biggest Loser.
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