The season premiere of Desperate Housewives (Sundays at 9 PM on ABC) is coming up on September 28, and I am so very concerned. Not about the effect of the five-year time jump on the lives of the characters, which seems to have split up marriages, sent the Scavo children to juvie, and rendered general havoc across Wisteria Lane. Lookit, I don't care about any of that.
I fear deeply for Bree, and her hair.
Did you see that shiznit in the last scene of the season finale? As a person who spent 90% of ages six to eighteen in a Catholic school uniform, I don't much notice clothes, but there was no missing that. What was that, with the crammed-back hair, the ruffly blouse, the vest and... and... and a pocket watch? Is she a Charles Dickens villain after the time jump?
I think it's so difficult to process since this is Bree we're typing about here. Bree Van de Kamp Hodge was always admirably attired in lovely shifts, smart gloves, the occasional stunning ball gown, and the most evenly conditioned hair. She was even stylishly tricked out while faux pregnant, showing her daughter-protecting padding to its very best advantage. You can't buy that kind of ability.
This was in the face of the constant fashion miscues of the other housewives-- the crochet-and-fur sweatery nightmares flung over Susan's shoulders, the couture cringers out of Gabby's closet, the drab Momwear of Lynette. If this keeps up, there will be no further muted sundresses to turn to anymore.
Now we have Madame Pocket Watch, complete with vest, ruffles, and scraped-back hair, even to play poker. And seriously, if women really do dress like that five years down the road, I am clutching my cotton nightgowns to me and I am never leaving my home.
