The all-powerful Google not only rules your research paper, your homepage, and your life– it now lifts its multicolored claws in the general direction of your television set. Word is that Google TV will revolutionize both the Internet and television by fusing both in an open-source, user-friendly platform. Which, translated for those of you not up on your technospeak, means: Boobs in your living room.
Indeed, this is a big leap forward for humanity; porn appearing on an enormous flatscreen television set instead of an flatscreen monitor. Because you know that’s going to be the leading download of the beta version; people ain’t going to be using this stuff to watch an opera performance beamed directly from the Met. And by “people” I mean “men.” And by “men” I mean “pretty much all of them.” As I type, in some government office a fortysomething desk jockey is typing “erin andrews AND betty white naked OR lesbian.” Because, as a wise man once told me, if it exists, there is porn of it, and it’s available on Google.
Oh, Google has its hipster creds, all right, with its more-celebratory-than-thou Google Doodles (don’t forget to mark Monet’s birthday in Outlook!) and its attempt to slide a hammock within a corporate jet past the FAA. Any company which has made itself an immediately recognizable verb has great power within the Force. But let’s be adult about all this, and admit what’s really going to happen here… instead of gathering ’round the computer monitor, the local frat near you just got another reason to hang around the media lounge.
I’m trying to figure out whether or not this makes me proud to be an American. I’ll get back to you is a sec; I gotta go look something up.
