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Who knows TV better than us? As America's largest online DISH Network dealer, we've got the inside dirt on the channels, shows, and events that keep you tuned in.
 Irony is one thing; pulling off irony in the middle of a sitcom set in the future and yet taking place in the present is quite another.
During last season’s run of CBS’s How I Met Your Mother (DISH 243, 8:30 Mondays) viewers discovered that one of the characters was keeping a terrible secret which took the entire episode to unravel: Was she abandoned by a former husband? Was she a former porn star?
No… worse, according to the show. She was a Canadian one-hit wonder pop star in the 1980’s. And that hit was entitled “Let’s Go to the Mall!”
What followed was the best skewering of Regan-era music and videos I have ever seen. It leaves VH1’s I Love the ‘80’s in the dust. The faux video, complete with tiny label in the lower left hand corner, purportedly stars “Robin Sparkles”, and features crimped hair, a Madonna-style raggedy hairtie, references to former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, and, yes… and a robot.
The video became a viral hit with the children of the 80’s, so much so that the show brought back another video for this season, this time skewering the “artsy” music videos of the era. “Sandcastles in the Sand” featured toggles between full color images and sepia-toned images of a beach scene. The era hair is fully in place, along with a denim jacket, strings and strings of long beaded necklaces, and a Hard Rock Café tee shirt. And yes… the robot.
It’s beautiful.
Viewing the video led to a major plot twist in which the former Robin Sparkles and the current Barney Stinson hooking up (how one could be inspired to lust by such a thing, I don't know), but it's another watershed moment in this innovative sitcom.
So no matter how wowed you may be by the music video that was released last week, hold tight to that feeling as long as you can. In ten years, it’ll be irony gold.
All right. I’m old.
I’ve not just failed to never hear of the musical guest on Saturday Night Live, I’ve never heard of the host. Anna Faris, who? She’s a what?
This was why the good Lord made Google: OH! She was Erica on Friends, the clueless, knocked-up teenage mother who made adoptive out of Chandler and Monica. And now she’s in some sort of Hefner-focused movie. Okay. I’m on board now. Whew. But still… I didn’t recognize someone who’s been tapped as a rising popular culture personality by name, and that meant something.
Saturday Night Live (DISH 241, Saturdays, 11:30 PM), in my humble opinion, has never recaptured the touchstone status of its second glory era, driven by Dana Carvey, Mike Meyers, and Phil Hartman. This was the era of G.E. Smith and must-viewing; since then, rumors have circulated that it barely survived the WGA strike. Some say it’s largely driven by past grandeur and the occasional watercooler political commentary.
Or maybe I’m just old.
Past episodes were notable for the musical guests as for the hosts themselves; the occasional supernovas, such as Dolly Parton and Sting, did double duty. Once, SNL enshrined itself by putting one of its own sketch stars, The Blues Brothers, in the artist slot.
But largely the modern story of pop music can be told merely by looking at the list of musical guests: ABBA, Gordon Lightfoot, Meat Loaf, the Grateful Dead, David Bowie, Kenny Loggins, Whitney Houston, Dave Matthews Band, En Vogue, No Doubt, 50 Cent, Justin Timberlake, Coldlay. Some guests were at the top of their careers during their appearances and were never heard from again (Vanilla Ice, hi!); others, such as Paul Simon, demonstrated impressive staying power by appearing multiple times across decades.
Things are cooking over on NBC's forums for its sixth season of The Biggest Loser (DISH 241, Tuesdays, 8 PM EST)-- pages are piling up, and it's all because of some little-seen drama inside the weight loss campus. The program was recently stretched to two hours, which means that rather than workouts and challenges, viewers are subjected to more and more in-fighting and strategy.
Without going into the gory details, suffice to say that the game has now switched from teams to singles, with every man and woman for him and her self. That didn't mean much to the contestants still under the wing of trainer Bob Harper; led by Blue Team member Vicki, the remaining members of the team vowed revenge on the recently ousted Phil, whose crimes against humanity are as follows:
1) Sneaked a peanut butter cup or two during a temptation challenge in an attempt to thwart Vicki's will when she stated that she wished to avoid splitting up teams
2) Attempted to persuade Blue Team members to vote for one of their own instead of his wife
3) Said, "Wha---? Uh, sorry?" when the Blue Team verbally accosted him during dinner with his team for Action #2
Viewers who were not privy for Actions 1 through 3, and even those who were, came away from Tuesday's broadcast baffled by the actions of the Blue Team, which included:
1) Refusing to applaud for Phil's weight loss when he reappeared for a shot to re-enter the game-- even though he'd lost the most, percentage-wise, of all the booted contestants
2) Announcing that Phil "did not deserve" to rejoin his team
3) Dancing and cheering when it was discovered that Phil had been eliminated
The result was a throwdown in the middle of the kitchen as gobsmacked former contestants, disappointed at what the game had become, reeled at the new nastiness. Maybe Phil could have manged the situation better than hissing "You are so mean!" at Vicki in the middle of it all; maybe not. Maybe NBC will think twice before leveraging the drama so much; maybe not.
The important thing is, almost nobody's thinking about weight loss in the middle of The Biggest Loser.
I need to tell you something.
Not so long ago, I was grading papers, doing brain-things, and I actually had to stop at one point because I could not turn away from TV in the background, which was tuned to... the first season of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team.
As a graduate of a women's college, I'm pretty sure this revokes my diploma privileges.
Here is what I learned:
- There is a person in this world named "Starr Spangler," and I am sure she's a lovely person, but when she was born, Mr. and Mrs. Spangler looked lovingly down at her and said, "Won't she make a wonderful reality TV contestant someday, honey? Let's call her 'Starr.'"
- Direct quote: "Well, being a cheerleader is a full-time job. (Pause.) Plus, being a mom on top of that." Priorities. Always priorities.
- YOU'RE FAT, WOMEN OF AMERICA. ALL OF YOU, FAT.
- During an interview with the team selection judges, if you are asked "What does wearing the Dallas Cowgirl uniform mean to you?" the correct answer is most likely not, "I would keep it clean and return it at the end of the season." Well, there's something to be said for taking life literally, bless her heart. Speed limits, for example, would go over a lot better.
- If you are unattractive, you need to get a fake tan, and some streaky hair, and a big ol' bottle of White Rain. Then, and only then, you will be fit for polite society.
- And even if you do contain some sort of horrible physical defect such as, for instance, having thighs with a circumference larger than .000000005 inches, there are airbrushers on hand to ensure the whites of your eyes are the approximate color of rice on the Official Team Photo.
- When speaking of one's breasts, one must refer to them as one's "girls".
Half and hour's worth of footage of a family going about their day: This shouldn't be entertaining, and yet it's addicting.
Jon & Kate Plus Eight (DISH channel 183, multiple airings) features the Gosselin family -- Mom and Dad are Jon and Kate, and the "plus eight" are their twins and sextuplets.
The candid reality program is refreshingly free of bleeped words, "fantasy suites," voting off, and bridal meltdowns. There are meltdowns, of course, but they issue from the expected sources: four year-olds.
Jon & Kate Plus Eight 's roots are on Discovery Health, which originally aired an hour-long special about the family called Surviving Sextuplets and Twins. Now a series, hour-long specials occasionally air, most often featuring the family on a travel adventure. Thus far, the Gosselins have invaded San Diego, Hawaii, and... Pittsburgh.
The family has become celebrities in their own right, complete with magazine covers, appearances on network television, and a book deal. And yet the show's popularity has issued from its focus on the family's everyday life - camping in the back yard, visiting family members, and taking music lessons. Occasionally, the program enters head-exploding levels of meta which indicate that the Gosselin's home has made plenty of room for the outside world: a recent episode followed the family's appearance on Oprah. While every parent can find something to connect with as the children grow up before America's eyes, it's more difficult to find common ground.
And yet, there's nothing common about a home with two sets of multiples. Twins alone are remarkable. Six at once? Sometimes, the show is like a half hour of free birth control. The girls alone, for example, whip through an entire Costco-sized bottle of conditioner in a week.
Most often, the show settles in to a comfortable rhythm of focusing on a specific event, such as a birthday party, or Jon and Kate taking a single child out for some one on one parenting time. But the most fascinating aspects settle on how this couple wrangle eight young children; Kate is an organizational whiz, and Jon's easygoing nature provides a charming balance.
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