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Who knows TV better than us? As America's largest online DISH Network dealer, we've got the inside dirt on the channels, shows, and events that keep you tuned in.
 If you’re in the market for the really really loud, this is your weekend. The Daytona 500 (Fox, DISH 247, 1 PM Sunday) is kicking off the NASCAR season on Sunday, February 15th.
I’m a member of the class of Americans left utterly bewildered by the popularity of auto racing in all its open-wheel, closed-wheel, and whatever-wheel forms: “Yep, they’re going past us again!” Perhaps I was poisoned to it during my residency in Daytona Beach, where my near-trackside apartment and I were subjected to the Rolex 24 Hour sports car race on a yearly basis. But I’m in a mixed marriage, you see, and my fan of a husband makes sure it’s a significant part of my life all Sunday, every Sunday.
But this is big business: NASCAR has established itself as a fan-friendly sport, and accessibility to the drivers coupled with staggering amounts of tie-in merchandise (I once saw a Jeff Gordon fishing rod) help to boost brand loyalty. When a team travels to a track for a race, his motor coach goes, his car goes, his pit crew goes—and an Official Merchandise truck brings up the rear. We always knew that NASCAR is breathtakingly commercial; the recent winner of a preliminary all-star race once said, “I’d like to thank…um…” then turned to check the decals on his car to remind himself of who he was contractually obligated to show gratitude.
It’s a fast-growing sport, but to attract those who think like me, broadcasters do what they can to jazz along the five hours of circling. Headset-wearing reporters shout updates from the pits as crews dart around the cars; strategically mounted microphones and wireless mics are often deployed to create a “you are there” experience. If nothing else, you’ll give your speakers a great workout.
When the 2008 Olympics ended, many swimming fans—as in people who watch this stuff anyway, whether there’s gold and glory and a soft-focus feature on the line or not—were thrilled with the rush of attention Michael Phelps brought to the sport, but remained wary: Would these Johnny Splash Latelys stick around without Phelps driving the media engine? Would we, in fact, ever hear from Phelps again?
As it happened, we would. We would hear him apologizing. When a photograph of Phelps getting friendly with a bong surfaced in the UK, ESPN went wall to wall with reefer laws and sponsor fallout. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, look at the mighty, indestructible Phelps and his horrible shame!
Of course, the media has its own part to play in all this; Olympics coverage made him little less than a water god. NBC (DISH local NBC, Tuesdays, 8 PM) measured all over Michael Phelps, who is double-jointed, and has hands like dinner plates, and a heart which beats twice the normal amount of blood when under stress, and reproductive organs crafted of the finest, purest platinum. One interviewer enthusiastically congratulated him for acknowledging the existence of a teammate who won a gold medal in the previous race. What was he supposed to do-- rip the thing from his neck and roar, “NOOOOOOOO, only The Phelps may wear the flowering of Chrysus!”
And now that Phelps has reached the apex of his fame, the media is disturbingly eager to sink some claws in to document the downfall of the same young man it was petting and cosseting less than six months ago. So there’s something else Michael Phelps is good at: Serving as a case study in athlete interview avoidance.
Desperate Housewives (ABC, Sunday 9 PM, DISH 245) has rebooted the series this season by leaping the storyline five years in the future, and viewers were rewarded with... the return of the endless Will Susan and Mike Get Together? storyline, just when we thought we had them safely married off and shut up. Oh, and Bree's having marital problems, again, some more, and Lynette's kids are Making Trouble again, some more.
There is one interesting twist: Gabrielle and Carlos Solis now have the children they were attempting to have in an earlier season. There are two little girls, Juanita and Celia annnnnd... they're overweight, Juanita in particular. So far, the issue been only lightly explored yet-- that of this looks-obsessed former model who has raised daughters who fall outside of society's definition of beauty.
In one episode, Gabrielle does attempt to help Juanita lose weight, but the writing didn't go much deeper than that. The show's powers that be may be holding onto the issue to deal with when Mommy herself undergoes a makeover later on in the season; Eva Longoria Parker, who plays Gabrielle, has hinted that the character will be "glamorous" again (in a recent episode, a voice- over smugly announced that "Gabrielle Solis had lost her looks." Apparently, "losing one's looks" consists of wearing a matte foundation and sweatpants.)
The story arc has the potential to truly delve into societal issues of beauty standards and parents' aspirations for their children. With some development, it could stand as a watershed moment in the series, but with a child actor in the mix and four other arcs on the Housewives landscape, it might not deserve the time it deserves.
This weekend, NBC (DISH Network 241, various times) is broadcasting the United States Figure Skating National Championships. Typically, figure skating viewership falls off in an off- Olympics year (we're in- betweening here in 2009; last year, the Summer Games took place, and next year the Winter Games will begin in Canada.)
It will be interesting to see the ratings fall out from this, because the sport has suffered several viewership blows in the past years. After an intense focus on the sport in the 1990's, figure skating has slipped as the sport of choice in American homes. Oh, you'll still see little girls spinning in flowy skirts at your local rink, but how many of them will stay?
There are several reasons for this. One is that a change in the way skaters are scored has created mass confusion and frustration even for longtime fans; instead of the usual scoring out of a ten, the sport now rewards skaters in a system call the "Code of Points." Each element gains a certain number of points, the addition is insane, and fans don't want sit before their sets with a calculator.
In addition, a few years ago, figure skating dropped its figure elements, and an entire generation of skaters grew up concentrating on jumps rather than elegance and clean edges. As such spectacular feats favor young teens who are unhampered by the curves of puberty, many stars of the sport don't have a chance to mature into fully rounded skaters--- and develop a following. Olympic gold medalist Tara Lipinski, for example, retired at the age of fifteen.
So longtime fans like me who enjoy the glides and the spins will tune in this weekend, but we'll see if those with Neilson boxes follow.
If you're looking for something to tide you over between the final whistle of the Super Bowl and the start of baseball's spring training, try a little rodeo.
As a former guest ranch barrel racer, I can attest to the great fun to be had in an arena on the back of a fast quarter horse. Rodeo is one of those sports which is almost as fun to watch as it is to play-- one of the common complaints Americans often register against soccer. But for anyone who enjoys fast action and attaching season- long sentiments to a cowboy (or even a bull), consider giving rodeo a try.
Bull riding has made some mainstream inroads in recent years. That came about in the '90s when a group of riders, convinced that the event could stand on its own, formed the Professional Bull Riders, Inc., to create a circuit of about three hundred bull riding only events a year. (Perhaps not coincidentally, the popularity explosion of contemporary country music happened at about the same time.)
The task sounds so simple: Stay aboard a bucking bull for eight seconds. But for anyone who has channel surfed past a competition knows, it's one of the most difficult feats in sports. Bull riding, governed by the PBR, most often seen on Versus (DISH Network 151) You'll be able to see the Built Ford Tough Invitational on January 10 and 11 for four total hours of coverage, and NBC Sports (DISH Network 241) will broadcast the Table Mountain Casino Invitational from California on January 17. Cowboy up!
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